In the Garden 

In my meditation Jesus led me, with His other disciples, into the Garden of Gethsemane. Along with Peter, James, and John, He led me closer to the place where He had come to pray. Before going apart to pray, He looked at me and said, 

 “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with Me.” (Matthew 26:28) 

I was very tired, and I wanted to escape from the pain and weariness of the day, and so I went to sleep and was awakened again by Jesus' sorrowful words: 

 “So, could you not watch with me one hour?  Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing,but the flesh is weak.” (verse 40) 

When the soldiers come to arrest Jesus, He is betrayed with a kiss by Judas, seized, and led away to Caiphas. 

I am left, my heart ashamed and sorrowful, knowing that I had abandoned my Lord, refusing through my sleep to give Him a little comfort in His Agony, concerned more for my physical comfort. 

Recently, I have been weeping at times from my knowledge that I often abandon the Lord when He calls me to leave the comfort of my bed to give Him the comfort of my presence with Him, especially in the morning, when I hear His call to get up, to be with Him, and to pray with Him. I have been unfaithful to Him when I remain in my home, afraid to irritate my husband if I go to Adoration. I have even passed up opportunities to stop in our parish church to visit the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament for a few minutes. 

At my last confession, I told the priest that I adore the Lord in my home, and he said, "That's good, but it cannot replace Eucharistic Adoration." Amen! His counsel pierced my heart, and I have made a firm resolution to go once a week to give a little more of myself to the Lord. He has given all of Himself to me and to all of His beloved disciples. 

At Adoration yesterday, I was weeping a little with true contrition for the way that I have neglected Jesus, and He said, "Do what you can do, and I will supply the rest." Jesus is the best of Fathers (from Divine Mercy in My Soul by St. Faustina). And He is also like the most loving of mothers, tenderly forgiving our shortcomings. I knew He wasn't saying that I should give up my efforts to give Him more of myself. He was offering His mercy yet again, as He does daily.

He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom, our righteousness and sanctification and redemption..."

(1 Corinthians 1:30) 

I want to console You for the ingratitude of the wicked and I beg You to take away my freedom to displease You. If through weakness I sometimes fall, may Your Divine Glance cleanse my soul immediately, consuming all my imperfections like the fire that transforms everything into itself.

(from Act of Oblation to Merciful Love by St. Therese of Lisieux)

 

Questions for meditation: What is Jesus calling me to do in the garden? Is He calling me to hear His voice or my own? Does He want me to draw closer to His healing Sacred Heart? Is Jesus calling me to surrender to His love and not my pain? 

Cami little handmaid

February 10, 2021